Based on my personal experiences over the past two years since the “closet outing” I found myself submerged into a world rather divided. When I first realized the concept of being “gay” I thought it would only categorize me into basically a guy liking another guy. But instead I found myself putting the pieces of a puzzle together. Terms such as: top, bottom, versatile, power bottom, vers-top, vers-bottom, masculine, effeminate, bear, cub, and twink were merely the beginning of my search for self identity. I mean it was clear to me that I was simply a young male attracted to other males, and yet I never felt more intrigued by all the sub levels of gayness.
The first three were pretty much clear since day one. (top, versatile and bottom) basically just translated into: pitcher, sandwich and catcher. But the rest were such a confusing topic I found myself a little more lost than before. If one is young and thing one is a twink, if one is hairy and big one is a bear and if one so happens to be feminine as far as one’s mannerisms goes then most likely one will be categorized as power bottom.
I came to call it the levels of gay... which so happens to be from 1 to Ellen...
Masculine- the term masculine only refers to someone possessing typical characteristics of a man. Now this can be tricky because I can say that at first glance a guy might look masculine; broad, muscular, chiseled face, a bit hairy and sharp features but once this gay man acts it can be a complete opposite with his mannerisms. I believe masculinity to be perhaps the most attractive feature in a man. Personally I say to myself that if I wanted someone girly I would be with a girl... Although I’ve found myself cheat this rule plenty of times. But it happens to be a matter of personal choice. Talking to many of my friends so happens that they get aroused over effeminate behavior.
it is often believed that a masculine man in the full context of the word will most likely to be a “top” in a relationship. In many cases it so happens to be true but masculinity or femininity has nothing to do with sexual position preference. Femininity in a man can often be mistaken and immediately categorized as bottom. Don’t we have enough labels already?
I believe sexuality to be perhaps the most interesting thing in the human parameters because as a culture we make it so deep and full of meaning and yet it can also be completely meaningless and satirized. As we grow we are taught about sex, everything in western modern culture revolves around sex and we don’t even know it. We are taught that is the most precious and beautiful almost spiritual thing in the world. But also we are taught to reprimand such feelings. No one really knows what it is like to suddenly realize you like the same sex. And because we are taught about heterosexual encounters once one realizes one happens to be gay more questions arouse and fear.
Sex can be the most uplifting feeling and the turning point in a relationship. Or it can simply be a physical act that can relieve even the most stubborn level of stress. But weather you are the pitcher or catcher in a game of ball in the end it is no ones fucking business but yours and your parter. weather steady or a different one every other night.
As I stated before even the gay bars and clubs of Los Angeles seem to be divided and attract the attention of the different “gays” Our preferences have divided a community who so happens to only claim unity at the several Pride events across california and the nation.
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