As my transformation continued and turned me into the man I am today certain tools helped along the process whenever I wanted to date. Whenever my friends and I ventured into the clubs and bars, I found myself approaching guys which in turn either they politely declined my dancing invitation or just turned around without a single word. Then my friend Vic happened to say one day “why don’t you use the app I used when I had my iPhone?” I looked at him puzzled. He smiled and said “Grindr!!” and that was just the beginning of all my troubles.
Nowadays technology has opened the door to many things; from shopping online, to banking, to video calling and for a while now, dating. People may laugh and say “I could never try that!” For the gay community the gateway of online dating is not only safer but in reality its child's play. Apps and websites such as: Grindr, Adam 4 Adam, Scruff, Jack’d and POF (Plenty Of Fish) provide not only a quick way to contact any cutie that might pop up on ones vicinity but a safe keep as well. Like most gay men I faced certain insecurities and when guys turned me down at the club or at a bar because of the way I looked and in the end it was taking a tow on my self esteem. These websites provided me with a virtual wall I needed that was both safe and easy to use.
On an app or a dating site there is the risk of rejection but it’s so much simpler than some sharp words spat at ones face. The only thing to guide you is a brief description of the person, a few lines, and a picture. The rest is up to luck. I call it “fishing” because it is the same as casting a line and see what bites. I never dared to try a more formal website for online dating other than “Grindr” the app suggested by my friend, which conveniently I was able to check wherever I went. Other sites required certain fees I was more than cheap to pay. After all why should one pay to find love? Right? In the beginning I had no luck, only the uglies would dare to say hi, but it was definitely a world full of possibilities. My picture looked exactly as I was in person and it was not only until after the transformation that more guys started to send messages.
Something odd caught my attention. You see my intentions were purely and utterly innocent. I had never been with a guy before other than make out and touch a little here and there. I was a 21 year old gay virgin, a latte bloomer and the idea of sexual intercourse with a guy made me both insecure and nervous. Terms such as “DTF, Hook up” and questions such as “what are you into?” or “Are you top or bottom?” were a shock to me. I had no idea how to respond. I had no idea what I was and did it even matter? I mean I was only using these apps to meet guys go on a date and find prince charming. Sadly this is not how everyone thought of it. Apps such as these are a gateway to easy sex and casual encounters. Men saw me as a cute piece of fresh meat ready to be devoured.
I met a few others who like me were only looking for someone to talk to. My circle of friends grew and the number of facebook friends rose like never before. I decided to meet the ones that could keep a decent conversation and found them to be no more than awesome friends who to this day I still keep in contact with. We would start flirting here and there but as we shared more with each other a bond of friendship developed and the attraction became a thing of the past. I had my share of good encounters and others that simply ended in disaster.
I must admit that my hunger for attention was never satisfied on this app. I was determined to find “the one” an imaginary man that only existed in the deepest confinements of my mind. I imagined meeting the perfect guy. I guess we all have an idea of what this might be. The ideal man is only made of the same material as dreams. I grew tired of waiting for something good to come and finally gave up to my biological needs and found myself doing what the stereotypical grind seemed to do.
Dating is harder than I thought, at times I’ve thought I nailed it and got sprung on a guy more than once. All to fill in the void. At this point I guess I should have given up on these sites and although my intentions are only to chat nowadays I must admit I feel almost a necessity to just open an app and see who I can find. Read the stupid comments people leave and witness how thirsty and hungry for sex these plastic dolls are.
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