Today I was asked why if I had written anything for this blogg and the truth is my mind seems to be flooded with ideas and experiences I have yet to set on paper.  Or in this case the 15.5 inch screen in front of me.  

Nothing has really changed over the past few months and yet everything seems so different.  I got the best news today I got the job I have worked so hard for.  It is a bit of a drive but it will teach me more and set me to a path I believe to be a sky rocket platform for my future. I have been unemployed for a month now and over these past four weeks I have thought about every aspect of my life.  My past, my present and my future.  I guess the phrase “No body knows what they have until they see it lost.” comes to mind.  I had taken my job for granted, my friends, and my family and over the past weeks I have re enforced all these bonds.  Except my job of course I quit for a very powerful reason and I don’t regret that.  That place was sucking the life out of me.

Love life looks less promising each day.  Today I openly stated I find myself in a place where Im comfortable yet I wish I had someone by my side to share it with and yet I seem to run away from the very idea of unity, compromise and emotional effort. I have been reminiscing about the past winter in which I last tried something serious with someone.  

I had met him in an app like some of my acquaintances.  We seemed to hit it off straight of the bat and we had our first date shortly after a couple of blue and orange colored messages. I found him both charming and intelligent, eloquent and even handsome.  Our winter affair lasted a total of ten weeks in which I seem to spiral into emotional chaos.  He had everything I tend to prioritize in a man and more.  At the end I just found the simplest excuse to run away because I wasn’t ready.  Today I ask myself what would have happened if I stayed.  The guy is engaged now and Im single once more.

I have been on dates since then and old flames come back to show some care but in the end I seem to run from something I have yet to understand.  Im enjoying the single life, it feels great to come and go and do whatever I please without having to take someones feelings or opinions into consideration.  But my nights are cold and my arms empty. I would like to turn this around and start fresh.  Revive the naiveness in me and go out into the world unafraid of being hurt, cheated or lied to.  Perhaps with the new change in my professional life it will also allow me to close this chapter and forget about the scars of the past. 

But until then keep the music playing because I like to dance and my cup full because I am drying out...